08 February 2011

A step of faith becomes reality

I'll be the first to admit that my faith is small.  It's not that I don't want to believe, it's just that I'm not sure it will happen or that God will choose to do that for us.  I tend to think that way.  I want to believe, but maybe I'm afraid that God will look bad if I am vocal about something and it doesn't happen. I don't know.  The last several months I have chosen to live my life as though we were really going to Uganda in just a few months.  I kept thinking to myself how the means to get us there was beyond us and God would have to make that happen, though I had no idea how that would work out.  If our plan (which I now believe is God's plan) fell through to make it in the time frame Troy hoped for, we could just wait it out another year and try then.  I was ok with that!  If we needed to do it on our own and it just took us another year, another dividend later, whatever it took, I was ok with that.  I have been blown away and humbled by the generous response of God's people to support us on this adventure.  My "if this works out" perspective has become a "wow, I guess God really does believe in us and wants this for us" belief.  I have really been ashamed of my lack of faith and so grateful at the same time.  I can't believe God is doing this for US!  My heart wanders, I'm not very faithful to Him, but Oh how HE IS SO FAITHFUL to me.  My heart is FULL!  I think of David Crowder's song How He Loves Us and my heart is there.  Who am I?  Nobody really.  But God loves me!  So, thank you for the part you are playing in these lessons I am learning.  My faith is growing and I am so thankful for His goodness and your generosity. 

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